Business School, Lesson 2

Ok, we’re back (see lesson 1 here). Last time we got you going on getting your business going. We ended with naming our test chocolate humor business Sinfl Snickerz.

“What’s next?”

The next step is coming up with a slogan. A slogan is a saying that your sales people can use to pump themselves up when things get tough and ugly teenagers throw french fries and mostly-full Mountain Dew cans at their heads while they are minding there own business, knocking on doors to sell exceptionally high quality window cleaning.

You can’t use  “Just do it” or “I’m lovin’ it” because they are already taken, so think of something besides those. How about “Chocolate: giving sad older single women something to come home to everynight.” Too long. What about “Eat it. Work it. LOVE IT!” I like that. It makes you feel like you’re climbing the corporate ladder, breaking glass ceilings, and having the time of your life doing it.

businessman5

Step 5 is getting a logo:

If you want people to take you seriously you MUST have a serious, well-designed logo. You can use Microsoft Word’s design program called “Clip Art” that is under “Insert,” then under “Picture.” It has some good things in it.

Step 6 is the dreaded P word; PRODUCT! “But Christian, it’s HARD to come up with a product!” I know it is, but think about it, if you want your business to stick like “PROfessional” “DUCT” tape, you need a “PRODUCT”.

So, what is Sinfl Snickerz product? Well, we already decided that the product is chocolate humor bumper stickers. So to come up with a bumper sticker, you need to do what we in business call a  “Brainstorm.” To do a Brainstorm you need to write down the first few random things that pop into your mind and see if they can fit together to make a good bumper sticker. Ok, here goes:

1. Mako, 2. Bull shark, 3. Great White. Hmm, I can’t make anything of those. Try again.

  1. Hasselhoff, 2. Germany, 3. Puppies. Still not getting the right combination. Ok.

1. Jeff, 2. Stole my dibs girlfriend in Jr. High, 3. Looked like Megan Fox. Ok, this isn’t working because I’m thinking of related things. That’s how the human brain works because of neurons . Let’s try a new approach. Look at the newspaper to see what’s in the headlines. Ok, I’m looking at mine now and I see an article about Charles Darwin. We could do one like “I discovered the missing link; it’s called a Chocpanzee, and I ate it!” Or something science-y like that, to appeal to the growing CSI/Jeopardy crowd.

chocolate 3

Or here’s an article in my paper about gay marriage. Ok a chocolate joke about gay marriage. Hmm. Try to be sensitive here because you don’t want to be sued on your first day of business. How about “I don’t have an opinion on the controversial and nuanced topic of gay marriage because I am too busy EATING MY DELICIOUS AND RICH MILK CHOCOLATE!” Ok, that one’s funny but it’s too wordy. But I do like the all caps ending because chocolate humor is usually funniest when it’s done in an in your face way. Round two: “Forget about gay marriage, I want to know when I can marry my CHOCOLATE!”

That might be a winner.

End of Lesson 2.


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11 Responses to Business School, Lesson 2

  1. Andrea W. says:

    I thank you for this post. I am tired and grumpy and had to really fight not stopping at burger king for a “croissandwhich” on my way home from exercising. I needed a good laugh and you my friend, delivered.

    I think this was my favorite: “I discovered the missing link; it’s called a Chocpanzee, and I ate it!” Or something science-y like that, to appeal to the growing CSI/Jeopardy crowd.” Oh and the business stick like Pro duct tape bit. You are crazy in the most delightful way.

  2. Eliza says:

    so weird and funny. “when can I marry my chocolate?” about killed me. love it!

  3. Ryan says:

    Wow, I had no idea Word had a clip art file right there in the program. I took a minute to look through my clip art catalogue in search of images that could serve as good business logos, and yes, there are some great options.

    I recommend that little drawing of the Asian pagoda. That would be at home anywhere, whether in the corporate board room or on your invitations to your neighborhood Chinese New Year party. Thank you for pointing me to this valuable resource.

  4. Davis says:

    I actually believe ““Forget about gay marriage, I want to know when I can marry my CHOCOLATE!” would sell pretty well.

  5. Zack says:

    I sure wish “Gimme all your chocolate and nobody gets hurt” wasn’t taken, but since it is, I would put a spin on that one and maybe say, “No one wants to get hurt in the gay marriage controversy, and I only hurt people when I don’t get my chocolate, SO HAND IT OVER!!!.” Is that too long? Another favorite “high school backpack patch” a girl had at my school – “Pobody’s nerfect.” Is there any to get that in there? “Pobody’s Nerfect–it’s a good thing we have chocolate!” This might not be directed toward the demographic we’re looking for — people interested in the gay marriage debate/chocolate lovers, but it’s sooooo catchy.

  6. Layne says:

    I can imagine all of the thousands of single, lonely 50-year-old women driving cars with your bumper stickers about chocolate while wearing shirts with a rabbit or other cuddly on it that say “Don’t hassle me!”

    The mental imagery for your advertising demographic is fascinating!

  7. Rebecca says:

    clip art. the possibilities are endless.
    if you remember in the movie, “Clifford,” (one of the funniest movies of all time) there’s a scene where a crazy, hyperventilating Clifford sends his uncle into the gas station for some chocolate. The attendant tells his uncle that they’re out of chocolate. after some desperate pleas the attendant remembers that there may be a single chocolate bunny leftover in a freezer in the back (it’s mid-summer). The uncle grabs the attendant by his collar and with crazy eyes demands him to “go get the bunny.” …guess you have to just watch it. hilarious. chocolate humor can be really great.

  8. tyler says:

    I think that your future chocolate bumper sticker business would coincide nicely into your window cleaning one. You must drive a work van of some sort, which now will be covered from underbelly to summit with classy, expressive, and modern slogans, like a written description of the lives of those who play Onyx Jenga. Alongside the newly decorated car could could be free samples handed out with the window cleaning bill. How about “Chocolate makes life bright, AND, so do clean windows!” Who better to be promoting two products at once than buff, seemingly clean-cut but bad boys slinging squeegee’s all day wearing work shirts that say “If you don’t want others to think that you suck, clean your windows and eat chocolate” ha ha , great post

  9. Ben Pratt says:

    “because of neurons” is amazing.

    “Honey, why did you eat all that chocolate?”
    “Because of neurons.”

    “Honey, why is there a chocolate-covered shark in the driveway?”
    “You know why.”
    “Oh. Right. Neurons.”

  10. Braden says:

    Very funny, Kook.

  11. Christian says:

    Zach, “Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt” is the ultimate, holy grail, rosetta stone, end all be all of chocolate jokes. Even better when combined with gay marriage, like you did. Thank you.

    Layne, “don’t hassle me” t shirts. lolol

    Tyler, I love the idea of combining my chocolate biz with my window cleaning biz, but I hate to tell you that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the last 3 years. Which is why I truthfully have on my resume that I have the leading business in the world in my particular field.

    Ben, neurons explain a lot more than people think.

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