Jay Leno Jokes- the Real Thing

I noticed today that a few people have come to DDDT after entering a search for “Winter Olympics Jokes.”  I was curious what else they were finding, so I followed that search myself.  What I found was too awesome to keep secret.  The top link: Jay Leno Winter Olympics Jokes, at Olympicjokes.com.  Given that DDDT has just tried its hand at writing some Jay Leno jokes on this very topic, I think it’s worth taking a look at the real deal, to see how well we did at approximating Jay-level hilarity.  Here are a few of Jay’s own real-life jokes made about the 2002 Winter Olympics:

  • The Olympics have started! It was exciting to see the opening ceremony – there were 77 nations in all that came walking through. The line was so big it was like the line at the Department of Motor Vehicles here in L.A.!
  • Mexico brought four competitors to the games. Good luck getting them to go home after the games.
  • Did you see Sweden walk in? There’s something you don’t see here in L.A. – natural blondes!
  • There were over 1,000 security guards at the ceremony tonight – and that was just to keep Tonya Harding out!
  • Over a quarter million condoms will be handed out at the Olympics. I don’t want to know what event that’s for!
  • There was a big snowstorm in Salt Lake City last night. Visibility got down around zero. I guess that’s why those skating judges couldn’t see anything!

And here are the jokes DDDT came up with to sound like Jay Leno jokes:

  • So Vancouver is worried about not having any snow for the Olympics. You’ve heard about that? And now it’s being suggested that the venue be changed to a place with plenty of snow and people willing to compete in anything for money and glory.  So they’re looking at Washington D.C.
  • So I’ve been reading that they’re actually transporting snow in to Vancouver for the Olympics, because they haven’t had enough snow there.  Why is that a big deal?  People in LA have been transporting white powder here for decades now!
  • So Vancouver, the site of the Winter Olympics, is short on snow, while Washington, D.C. is getting snow by the foot.  They were thinking about moving the games to D.C., but the Olympians were too afraid of getting mugged.  By Congress.
  • Well, the Winter Olympics are almost here, and they’ve instituted a new event just for politicians.  It’s called “robsledding.”
  • So the Winter Olympics will be in Canada this year, folks.  Good for them, yeah, good for them.  I understand there’s a big scandal now, because instead of handing out the condoms at the Olympic Village, they’re handing out earmuffs!
  • Well, the Winter Olympics are here and the Germans are expected to do quite well. But I don’t know, I always say I would rather see my country embarrassed by a bunch of 250 pound German women than by 9 year old Chinese girls.

Honestly, I can’t see a difference between these sets of hilarious Winter Olympics jokes.  Give DDDT points for figuring out the condom joke, the L.A. joke, and jokes about the winter weather.  Deduct points for missing the obvious soft racism and Tonya Harding references.  Overall, this looks like a Silver Medal performance.  Well done everyone.  And thanks Jay, for being exactly as funny as we knew you were!


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9 Responses to Jay Leno Jokes- the Real Thing

  1. Eliza says:

    ouch, I guess I didn’t realize how lame he was. He jokes were a lot more painfully unfunny than your guy’s. good stuff.

  2. Christian says:

    Wow, those are just terrible. How in the world is that guy still around? Conan! stomp stomp. Conan! stomp stomp.

  3. Davis says:

    That’s the problem with parodying Jay Leno – to do it, you have to be painfully unfunny.

  4. Christian says:

    You know what my favorite part about this is? That people are doing google searches for “winter olympic jokes.” That’s just awesome.

    “Hey Bob! Bob can you hear me?”

    “Ya, hon, I’m in the kitchen making the guac. Harold and Janis will be here in 5 minutes. What’s up?”

    “Well I was just wondering what we’re going to do with them after dinner. Why don’t you get on the web and look up some good winter Olympic jokes we can tell.”

    “That’s a great idea. I bet Leno has some funny ones. I’m on it.”

  5. Ryan says:

    What kills me is seeing how we absolutely nailed it in coming up with these jokes. I agree with Davis that it’s more an academic exercise than an honestly funny one, because you have to NOT be funny to mimic him. Still it makes me laugh so hard to see how close our jokes are to his. So awesome. And we did it off-hand, by the seat of our pants, whereas Jay’s jokes were rigorously field-tested and hand crafted by professional comedy writers. I just love the Leno jokes so much.

  6. christian says:

    Lol. That’s really funny, brandon.they need to start advertising action figures and nancy drew books during night show commercials since that may just be jay’s target demographic

  7. Chelsea says:

    Ryan, I wasn’t reading carefully at the beginning of this post and I seriously thought the first set of jokes were yours and I was feeling so sorry for you! Oh my gosh, those are Jay’s? He’s such a dork.

  8. Ryan says:

    Yeah, it’s not an easy path, writing Jay Leno parody jokes. People tend to conclude that you write horrible, painfully unfunny jokes. Which you do, but it’s on purpose. What’s funny about that? Maybe not a lot, but then, there’s not a lot funny about the real Jay’s jokes, either. This is how you succeed at parody while failing to entertain your audience.

  9. I can’t not say anything here. My name is Candice and I love Conan.
    Thanks for this post on a day when I really needed it.

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