The Eye of the Tiger

You’re going about your daily routine, maybe about to get into your car to go work or the grocery store, when a windowless van screeches to a stop right next to you, nearly hitting you. The door slides open, and out jump three burly men in ski masks. Two of them grab you while the third plunges a syringe into your neck. As you’re thrown into the van your vision gets blurry, and try as you may, you lose consciousness.

You slowly come to, groggy and unsure as to how you ended up tied to a chair in a large, cold warehouse. As you regain your senses you remember the van and the syringe, and you try to keep your wits about you, refusing to give in to the waves of panic that come with increasing frequency and intensity.

barbievan

What?  There are plenty of legitimate reasons for me to own a pink windowless van with “Barbie” written on the side.

The racing of your mind and the beating of your heart are interrupted by the creaking of a door. Towards you walks a man clothed in an immaculately tailored suit, his right eye covered by a patch. You immediately demand to know where you are and why you’re here, your voice betraying more fear than you would have liked. The man with the patch silences you with a crisp wave of his hand. He addresses you in what seems to be a South African accent, saying, “Your questions will not be answered – indeed, cannot be answered – so you may as well keep them to yourself.” After speaking to you, the man brings his fingers to his mouth and emits a loud, high whistling sound. In come the men from the van, wheeling in two large square-shaped structures, both covered by thick, black canvas tarps.

damon
Oh, no, not this kind of a South African accent.  Like a real, believable one.

The men from the van uncover the first of the structures, revealing a large, Plexiglas box in which you are surprised to see your parents, spouse, and siblings, all blindfolded. You cry out, only to realize that they can’t hear your voice inside their box. The men quickly re-cover this box and roll it back out the door.

Somewhat amused by your obvious distress, the man with the patch speaks again, saying, “Listen to me very carefully. Every person in that cage will be swiftly and not painlessly killed unless you emerge victorious from a battle to the death with our reigning champion.” The man raises his hand, at which point the men from the van uncover a large cage-like structure containing a single Siberian tiger. The man continues, “The rules are simple. You will enter Ramius’ cage equipped only with a small knife. If you kill him, you win. If he kills you, you lose, as does your family. Do you have any questions?”

charge-siberian-tiger

I can’t speak for you, but I consider me vs. this guy a more or less even match.

Struggling to understand the situation in which you find yourself, you simply stare back at the man. He smiles and says, “Good luck. Oh, one more thing. I will allow you to take 15 minutes to prepare yourself mentally for battle. I will give you an iPod to listen to three songs during this time in an attempt to summon your courage and channel your anger – to pump yourself up. Which three songs would you like?”

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17 Responses to The Eye of the Tiger

  1. Squewtang Clan says:

    Ummmm Davis, does your other blog know that your cheating on it, and stealing its material? Ok I’ll play:

    “God Save the Queen” Sex Pistols

    “Seven Nation Army” White Stripes

    “Four easy steps to taming a siberian tiger in just minutes” Nigel Pennington

  2. Ryan says:

    1. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Requiem
    2. LDS Hymns: God Be With You Til We Meet Again
    3. Band of Horses: Funeral

  3. tyler says:

    1. Survivor : Eye of the Tiger.
    2. LL Cool J : Momma said knock you out.
    3. Disneyland Theme: Its a small world

  4. Landon says:

    1. ACDC: any song (personal favorite is Back in Black)
    2. Guns and Roses: welcome to the jungle
    3. Braveheart: the final speech William Wallace gives. “They may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!!”

  5. Eliza says:

    You are so funny, that scenario was cracking me up, you’ve watched one too many bourne movies. ; )

    1) Gloria Gaynor; I will survive
    2) Beyonce: If I were a boy, or really any of her songs that talk about a no good cheating man. (oh wait that is every song of hers, but I have to say it is mighty empowering)
    3)have to say Eye of the tiger is a classic, I can accomplish anything, kill anyone song.

  6. Davis says:

    I forgot to add mine:

    1. Lose Yourself, Eminem. I almost start a prison riot every time I hear this song.

    2. I Will Survivek, Cake. The opening guitar riff would be all I’d need to go in there and skin that tiger like an apple.

    3. Satisfaction, Rolling Stones. It calms down a little after the intro, but man, that intro.

  7. ron says:

    1. Declan Galbraith: Oh Danny Boy
    2. Eva Cassidy: Oh Danny Boy
    3. Irish Tenors: Oh Danny Boy

  8. Andrea W. says:

    Newsies: Open the Gates and Seize the Day

  9. Natalie says:

    Latin isn’t a dying language for nothing:

    O Fortuna (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xscsuuKF6ZE)
    Lux Aeterna (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjWHlKAsBNA)

    And FWIW, I’d listen to O Fortuna twice.

  10. Layne says:

    Beyonce – All the single ladies
    Everybody – Backstreet Boys
    The Right Stuff – NKOTB

  11. Ben Pratt says:

    My first choices are all longer than 15 minutes. Mahler’s 2nd symphony alone is 90 minutes long.

    So I would have to go with

    1. The Devil Went Down to Georgia as performed by Ryan Shupe
    2. This Too Shall Pass – OK Go
    3. Breathe – Paul Cardall

  12. craig says:

    I only need one song: killing in the name of, rage against the machine

  13. Christian says:

    Lose yourself, Eminem
    Excursions, A Tribe Called Quest
    Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana

  14. Troy says:

    1) Take a Look Around (Mission Impossible II Theme Song), Limp Bizkit. When I’m at the gym and this song comes up on the iPod, I go lift with the Polynesians. That’s how strong it makes me. Horrible movie, horrible anger rock band, amazing pump-up song.

    2) Killing in the Name, Rage. Obviously.

    3) Hysteria, Muse. I’ve never been shot out of a cannon, but this song makes me feel like I’m about to be.

    I’ve never listened to these songs, consecutively, in this particular order. I wouldn’t dare. I’m pretty sure it’s some obscure noetic science formula that would transform me into General Maximus Decimus Meridius. And look what he did to that tiger. So there you have it.

    ————————————
    Honorable mentions:

    -The Final Game, Rudy soundtrack
    -The Training Montage from Rocky IV that features an 80’s guitar screech when Ivan Drago is taking a shot of steroids.
    -Stronger, Kanye West

  15. Wade says:

    What makes sense to pick:
    Soundgarden – Burden in My Hand
    Rage – Bomb Track
    Velvet Revolver – Fall to Pieces

    What I’d actually pick:
    Tapes ‘n Tapes, Jakov’s Suite
    Broken Social Scene – Ibi Dreams of Pavement
    Pavement – Grounded

  16. Braden says:

    Dave, you have boiled down the plot of every tv show I liked in the 80s into one post. Wow.

    Ok, for sure la marseillaise
    1812 Overture
    Have to second the Rocky training montage.

  17. maweesa says:

    OHHHHH.. i agree with craig.. killing in the name of… i always to bang my guitar into the wall when i’m playing that on g-hero. also, lose yourself…. and what about.. jenny’s rise up with fists…

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