We have always said that when we run out of things to blog about (projected date somewhere in early June, 2010), we will transition DDDT into a site where we post funny reader-generated pictures of their pets with equally funny captions, specializing in the neglected reptilian and ferret markets. Until then, you get yet another Asian-themed post from me.
Have you seen this video yet (you really only need to watch the first 45 seconds)?
I like these types of statistics, and I particularly like the ones about China and what an unbelievably, incredibly, insanely humongous population it has. We have seen a proliferation of these statistics in the last few years. Of course the undertone to all this isn’t “Wow, China’s huge. That’s cool and interesting.” but rather “America has another 3 or 4 good years, so get handy with your chopsticks and ditch the Free Tibet bumper sticker, bub.”
So here’s the deal. We’re going to have a little contest to see who can create the best Scary China statistic. The winner will win any candy bar of their choosing with my signature on the wrapper (I will mail anywhere in the contiguous U.S. Also, the candy bar you choose must be available in regular American grocery store, and not some hand-spun by Uruguayan spider monkey orphans dark chocolate bar only available in your San Francisco Whole Foods). Also we will be able to compile the best few and try to make money off them. I’m not sure how yet, but one idea is to take out an ad in AARP magazine where we share these statistics and a phone number where people over 80 can call in to buy Chinese Invasion Insurance or Sean Hannity t-shirts or something like that.
Let me get you started:
China is so big that the vomit of all the people there with the flu on an average day would fill 4 of the 5 Great Lakes.
If every person in China jumped up off the ground at the exact same second, the simultaneous landing would throw off Earth’s orbit enough to make it “spaceborne” in space, eventually putting it into a different solar system.
China has more window cleaners than the U.S. has windows. And windmills.
If all the people of China were crammed into the U.S., they would be stacked on each others shoulders 6 people high.
There are more man eating tigers in China than there are men for them to eat in the U.S.
Satellite pictures of the Earth taken 25 years ago show China as green, while pictures taken today show China as solid black, since no ground can be seen between the tops of heads.
If Brad Pitt is the coolest American, statistically there are 37 million Chinese cooler than him.
Don’t be shy (even you lurkers); submit one, or as many as you want (nothing even remotely racist, please). I really will send the candy bar.
Polls close midnight Monday.