[I wrote most of this post, then realized Ryan wrote something similar forever ago. Whatev]
I received the following email yesterday and I’m not sure what to do with it, so I seek your advice:
Hope this email finds u in good health, I come across your name and profile in love site as I have interest In u i deem it very necessary to get in touch with u for a long-lasting relationship. beside My name is Juliet 22yrs old female, has decent hobbies like reading and swimmimg and i desires to make long-lasting friendship with you. Do u think age, colour or distance is any bar to make such friendly relationship with you? If not, then stretch your hand to me and accept mine. If you feel like we will be friends fine,then u mail me back, so that I will forward u my photos and Introduce myself to u more, So from there we will get to know each other very well .just bear in mind that there is only one happiness in life,to love and be loved. I will always remain yours in love. with big Kisess And Hugs! From Juliet.”
So here’s the deal. I’m happily married and am not looking to take a second wife right now, due to our finances. But it sounds like all Juliet is looking for is a close friendship, a “long-lasting relationship.” Could I use more friends? Friends are like shark attack stories, you’re grateful for the ones you’ve heard, but you’re always on the hunt for the next one. So yes, I would consider myself permanently in the market for good friends.
Apparently Juliet found my profile on a love site. At first this confused me because I can’t remember putting my profile on any love sites lately, but it’s possible I confusedly said yes to the question “Don’t not sign me up on any love sites” that the operator asked when I ordered my Work From Home Business Kit.
Some of you immediately think I should write her off and not pursue a lasting friendship because of her creative English. But I think she might be from Russia. Or the Southern U.S. Either way, we can cut her some slack on that front.
I would ask Reba her opinion, but she’s pretty busy lately, and I really don’t need to ask to know that she would want me to make more friends.
There are a couple things right off the bat that I like about Juliet.
1. She hopes my health is good, which is considerate.
2. Her hobbies are swimming and reading, which are two of my favorite things. These two things alone convince me that she really did see my profile on a love site. She is a naturally humble person and calls those hobbies merely “decent,” but I think they are phenomenal hobbies and she needs to have more confidence in them.
But seriously folks, the thing about this email that struck me is this:
Whoever is doing this is still doing it because enough people fall for it to make it profitable—however it is they make their profit. Someone somewhere is falling for it. And it breaks my heart to imagine who this person must be to fall for this. To imagine someone like the pre-island John Locke in Lost; say Fred, a lonely, divorced computer programmer coming home from another grim day in his cubicle, checking his email, hoping for a funny cat pictures forward from his mom—anything to distract him from his isolation. Then he sees this email from Juliet. This affectionate 22 year old who found his profile (which his concerned mom must have posted) on a love site wants to get to know him. He hurriedly writes back, they exchange pictures for which he wears his best toupee and bolo tie, then before he knows it he has bought a majority stake in her family’s nonexistent llama farm in Kamchatka. Then Juliet moves and loses his email address.