So What

Great post on Wednesday, Davis. 33 comments. Big freakin’ deal. Here’s the thing I’ve realized about comments. The more comments your post gets, the sorrier you know people feel for you. It’s like if you have five dollars to give away, who do you give it to: the homeless guy who doesn’t work or the cool, buff, rich guy in the pinstripe suit who deserves the five dollars more but already has a million $5 bills? You give it to the homeless guy. Same deal with comments. The less the better, if you ask this guy. But you didn’t ask this guy, did you? Because you were all too busy having a hootenanny over at Davis’ lame post about some sumo underwear he bought at Mervyn’s. Which is another thing; who buys their underwear at Mervyn’s? People like Davis. People like me buy underwear at Aeropostale and Hot Topic. And at least I give the nonfiction characters in my exposes the dignity of having their REAL NAMES. Two problems with the name Jen Carter: it’s boring, and…it’s boring. “Ok, I can give her the alias Jen Carter, which I found in a book about Amish pioneers and isotopes, or I can name her Brandy Razzle or Megan Abercrombie or Angelina Fox. Ya, of all those options I should probably go with Jen Carter.” Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe someone at his Quill and the Sword club told him Wednesday was National Boring Alias Day. I just don’t know.


Hark, Davis Dragonhealer. Tis I, Brad Hugesword sent from Xander Eflhunter to remind thee of National Boring Alias Day come day after present. Go in peace now and may the Maroon Wizard’s song abide in thy heart.

Some of you are thinking “I bet Christian doesn’t have much to post about right now since he’s been out of town and is traveling all day tomorrow, which is why he’s pulling some weird critique of Davis’ post out of nowhere.”

While some of you are thinking “Sharkman is the best. He always has a ton of stuff he can write about from psychology to fashion to animals to sea animals to air animals to art to window cleaning. But today he feels like it’s most important to point out some problems with Davis’ post because some of us are obviously having the wool pulled over our eyes. The readers have always been number one in Sharkman’s book, which is why we like him the most of three.”

The latter group is correct.

For those of you who have been wanting shorter posts; here you go.

For my mom and two sisters; you can check out my first post as a regular contributor at Mormon Mommy Blogs below (mom, sisses, it’s a more serious kind of blog, so don’t expect anything too crazy from me over there):

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13 Responses to So What

  1. Davis says:

    See everybody? The 3 per week schedule is already yielding much higher quality posts.

  2. Katie Sherman says:

    Christian-You already have like 10 comments on the Mormon Mommy Blog. I think you should jump ship and start writing exclusively there where your material is appreciated.
    Davis- I actually ran into “Jen Carter” last Christmas at the Kaysville Theater and she didn’t even mention the underwear incident or the mix tape so I am pretty sure she has moved on. You should too!

  3. Eliza says:

    Dang funny Chirs. I love when we can get a glimpse into your crazy funny head. Fabulous post at MMB btw, truly inspiring.

  4. Troy says:

    Kooks right, D. Jen Carter’s real name was practically a brand name synonymous with “hot”. Then you go and ruin it with a very unhot “Jen Carter”. The story is so much better since I know who Jen Carter is.

    (Kook, since this comment is still regarding Davis’ post, you don’t have to count this one toward yours)

  5. Christian says:

    Ok, I think we can safely put this post in the loss column. That’s okay, no biggie. Let’s all focus on next week.

  6. Davis says:

    Wait, Katie, how do you know who “Jen” is?

    I had the whole thing written with her real name, and then Kook’s experience with the Allen’s made me gun shy.

  7. Braden says:

    Kook, someday maybe if I am really lucky, I will write throwaway posts that are funnier than 99% of humanity’s best efforts. That post had me crying–Lize is right, it’s such an insight into your brain. I don’t know if it will transfer to outside of the Bell clan, but thanks for making me laugh so hard. And congrats on your debut at MMB.

  8. tyler says:

    super funny, I am on team christian

  9. Rachel says:

    Brad Hugesword….LOL.

    After you’re done posting on mormon mommy blogs, maybe you could cuddle with the kittens and plant a garden- you know, just to get in touch with your more masculine side.

    Hot Topic?

  10. Ben Pratt says:

    Comments schmomments, amirite?

  11. Danica says:

    Oh it’s translating outside the Bell clan all right. I laughed through the whole post. “…to animals to sea animals to air animals…” = my fav. And I was hoping someone would throw a little Quill and the Sword in there soon. Also, really great post at the mommy blog. The line about getting made Stake President had me rolling. They’re lucky to have you over there.

  12. Serene says:

    Christian, I was laughing at this post! So awesome! And loved your post over at MMB.
    Oh and uh, my next what, four or five submissions to them are anything but serious. Maybe they’ll never post them, who knows? Although I did see the word “scheduled” by them. Har har har, my diabolicle plan to take over MMB is working! *cough* Huh? Who said that?
    Anyway, I like reading funny stories over there.
    I dare you to do it next time.
    Double dog dare….

  13. Christian says:

    Serene, It’s good to have you. And yes, you definitely keep it real over at MMB. I appreciate that.

    I always enjoy your stuff over there.

    Are you a Hanney? Why do I think that?

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