Define Hatred

Question:  Who do you hate?

Your response to my question was probably, “I don’t hate anybody.”  And my response is, “Hmm, that’s weird that you don’t hate Satan or Hitler.”  Burn.  I was able to burn you like that because I knew you were going to be self-righteous and dishonest.  At least you’re in good company, though, because I think most people would answer that way. No one wants to be thought of as someone who hates.  And believe me, I’m not arguing that you should hate people; duh, you shouldn’t.  I’m simply arguing that most of us probably do hate other people, even if we say we don’t.  And I think we say we don’t in part because the word “hate” has in recent years acquired a more sinister, ugly meaning than the actual definition supports.  To prove my point, I want to turn to the dictionary to see what “hate” really means.  (But not before I bring you the love of the Stake Presidency.)

Dictionary.com defines the verb “hate” as “to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest.”  See?  That’s not so bad!  So in telling me you don’t hate anyone you’re looking me in the eye with a straight face and claiming that you don’t even intensely dislike anyone?  If you can do that then you are either to be congratulated for your goodness or pitied for your lack of self-knowledge.  And frankly, I’m leaning towards pity.

You’re probably now muttering to yourself, “Well, Mr. Honest Self-Inventory, who do you hate?”  I’ve given this question some thought, and here is my honest answer:

I hate three people.  I’m not proud of it, I’m working on it, but it’s true.  One of them I passionately dislike, one of them I feel great hostility for, and one of them is someone I actually detest.  The name of the person who I detest is Kobe Bryant.

Is it absurd to detest someone who you’ve never met?  Yes.  I don’t care.  I just hate him so much.  Why?  I’ve been trying to answer this question, and the best I can come up with is:

* He is an utter and complete fake.  From the “joshing around with his teammates” that his publicist obviously forces him to do to the staged moments where his wife and kids greet him after a game, there’s never a moment where you feel like you’re looking at a real person experiencing real emotion.  Look, I get that part of being a celebrity in this day and age is presenting to the public an image that may be only partially true or even completely false.  But with Kobe – as with Tiger – I have the distinct impression that the image is all there is.  It’s not that they’re jerks who pretend to be nice; it’s that they don’t even know if they’re nice or jerks. They’re ciphers who long ago lost the ability to tell the difference between their thoughts and desires and preferences and whatever is best for their Q rating.

*  Look, we don’t know what happened in that hotel room in Colorado.  But at the very least he cheated on his wife.  Do 99% of professional athletes cheat on their wives?  Yes.  But with most of them we can pretend that they don’t because we don’t know if they’re in the 99% or the 1%.  With Kobe we can’t do that anymore, and we’re constantly reminded that we can’t do that because he insists on parading his wife and kids around in public at every opportunity.  (And let’s be honest: when you’re talking about someone who you hope cheated on his wife because the other possibility is much more morally repugnant, you’re talking about a first class dirtbag.)

*  He’s a big fat baby whiner.  Honestly one of the worst I’ve ever seen.  Kobe, we all know that the refs are in charge of keeping you safe and helping you win games; can’t you at least have the grace to acknowledge this by not weeping tears of bitter sorrow when they try to make us think they’re not in the tank for you by not whistling the occasional non-existent foul?

*  If you honestly don’t hate Kobe Bryant, that’s fine. That just tells me you’ve never seen him make this face.

kobe1

He could minister to the lepers of Calcutta for the rest of his days on the earth, and that face would still compel me to hate him with every particle of my soul.

I hate you, Kobe.

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30 Responses to Define Hatred

  1. Ryan says:

    I want to tell the readers that this post is true. I highly recommend making this post a part of your daily routine. You’ll end up being a more hateful person, but your hate will be more correct and precise for the exercise.

    Why hasn’t Bill Simmons named that face yet? Worst face in all of sports. And Davis, I’m assuming you just didn’t have time to post any of the LA Times photos yet, but will be doing so soon?

  2. Troy says:

    I knew you were going to say Kobe before I scrolled down. It only makes sense. I hate him too. With every fiber of my being.

    Here’s another story to add fuel to the fire…when Kobe was a rookie in his first All-Star game, Kobe had the ball and Karl Malone came up and set a pick for him. What did Kobe do? He waved Malone off. He didn’t need any help from the best Power Forward to ever play. He would do it himself. Huge diss, and one of the cockiest things ever seen in an all-star game, which is essentially a peacock parade.

    Also, it’s easy to hate someone who hates you. In one past playoff series (it might have been last year–they all run together in my head) the Utah crowd was being especially hard on Kobe. Toward the end of the game he had a huge dunk or shot or something and he turned toward the Utah crowd and pounded his chest and barked out a huge “eff ewe all”. Oh, and he said it with the Face.

  3. Peter says:

    Davis this post is pure truth. Kobe is a fake, a fraud, and a phony. I can’t think of anyone that I DETEST more than Mr. Bryant. I hate the fact that because he lived in Italy for a handful of years that makes him more refined, it doesn’t. In fact, Kobe speaks Italian on a 3rd grade level, so for the love of all that is holy, media please stop insisting that he is fluent in Italian. He isn’t.

    When the incident in Colorado happened the first thing that Kobe did when he spoke with the Police was claim that Shaq had these types of incidents all the time. The vast majority of athletes have a pretty low moral compass, however, one thing that ties athletes together is that you don’t rat out your fellow team-mate, kind of like the mafia. Yet, Kobe demonstrating that not only is he a phony but a terrible team mate immediately throws Shaq under the bus. He had a similar incident with Karl Malone in which he claimed that Karl tried to pick up on his wife. Except he didn’t confront Karl about it he went to the media.

    Everything about Kobe is a charade. He is a terrible human being. He would throw his own mother under the bus if he thought it would benefit him. The sad thing is that Kobe is completely oblivious to what sellout he has become.

    Kobe always wanted to be the next Jordan. Well, Kobe, MJ had more talent in his left hand than you have in your whole body. MJ won with class. He epitomized the concept of making your team mates better. From Kobe’s mean under bite face, to his phony “after rape” tatoos, I can honestly say that I would be hard pressed to hate anyone else the way that I do Kobe.

  4. Eliza says:

    Wow this is funny stuff. You hit on a common nerve. I can’t say I’ve ever really thought about Kobe and if I like or hate him, but I do know your absolutely right, that most people just have someone that rubs them the wrong way. I know I totally do. sad but true.

  5. Layne says:

    Funny that on your home page I only saw “Who do you hate?” on your new post and immediately thought of Kobe Bryant.

    I have a friend in CA who is the biggest Kobe apologist and Laker fan. Needless to say, we aren’t close. When I was telling him why I hate Kobe, he had the gall to ask what specifically I hated about him. My response was something like, “I have a personal policy not to applaud and cheer for rapists.” (ALLEGEDLY) But that is just the tip of the iceberg for me. Oh how I wish justice would have been served.

    Ryan, maybe the face should be called the I-got-over-on-prison face. With that scowl, he is non-verbally trying to say he’s better than everyone.

  6. Wade says:

    My wife asked me last night, “why does Kobe always have a scowl on his face?” to which I replied, “I don’t know, but look close, I think he waxes the ends of his eyebrows.” “Eeeeew” was her reaction on realizing this.

    A few minutes later, without provocation on my part, she was singing this in a mocking tone:
    “This is Kobe’s shot, shot. This is Kobe’s shot shot. This one’s his, that one’s his, this is Kobe’s shot, shot.”*

    Kerstin hates you too Kobe. She doesn’t even hate Hitler or Satan, but she hates you.

    (*see http://www.youtube.com/user/paulbroganfan#p/a/u/1/oxIg_nhnOSo )

  7. Norm says:

    I hate Jon Stwart, Seth Meyers, Keith Oberman, and Sean Hannity.

  8. craig says:

    with kobe, it goes beyond being selfish and unlikable on TV. he really is a dirtbag – phil jackson even wrote a book about it.
    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080605

  9. Davis says:

    Ryan, I know Bill Simmons has talked about it. Here’s one quote I was able to find, “Kobe draws a touch foul on Mickael Pietrus, gets the call and makes that creepy, super-intense underbite face that nobody ever remembers seeing until about three weeks ago. We don’t know where it came from; we don’t know how many different faces he practiced in the mirror before settling on this one; we don’t know if he pays royalties to Bruce Springsteen. We just know that he really wants this. He really, really wants this.” I love that he nails Kobe on practicing it in the mirror rather than it being, you know, a facial expression that he naturally makes.

    I was going to post some of the pictures you mentioned, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Curious readers can find them here: http://www.latimesmagazine.com/2010/05/kobe-white-hot.html

    Troy, why are you stoking the fire? My head is going to explode.

    Peter, he threw Shaq under the bus TO THE POLICE? Geez.

    Eliza, watch 10 minutes of Friday’s game. You’ll be sold.

    Layne, I love that my question made you think of Kobe. I’ve known a few Kobe apologists; and I hate them, too.

    Wade, how have I never seen that?

    Norm, I don’t hate Jon Stewart (though he bugs me), I like Seth Myers, and your mention of Keith and Sean made me realize I need to bump my people I hate list up to 5.

    Craig, I’d forgotten about that book. I’m going to buy it just to stoke the flames of my hatred.

  10. maweesa says:

    i’ve HATED kobe for years, but i always forget about him until the playoffs come around. then i see him and remember that i hate him, and then he makes THAT face and i my heads almost explodes. i really can’t handle even looking at him. UGH

    also, i know who one of the other people on this list is, but who is the third?

  11. InkMom says:

    I did not think that Sean Hannity and Jon Stewart could both be hated by the same person. Live and learn.

    Anyway. Two words: Mike Krzyzewski. I hate him enough to know how to spell his name. I hate how he coaches (whining), I hate how he wins (also, whining), and I hate how his gosh-awful yankee accent sounds coming out of the mouth of someone who claims North Carolina as his home (again, whining). I could go on. But I won’t.

  12. nici says:

    There’s an endless list of things to hate about Kobe – no doubt. A while back I read an article about this. Here’s an excerpt:
    ………………………………
    His performances generally follow one of two themes: (1) He takes over the game and taunts everybody in sight, demanding that all acknowledge his greatness or (2) he steps back and intentionally doesn’t take over a game, in which case his attitude seems to be, “See what they look like without me?”

    But here’s a radical idea: Stop with the smugness and the arrogance. Play your game and let your talent speak for itself. You might not know this, but it does a much better job than you do. And if you’re not going to enjoy what you bring to the court, at least give us half a chance.
    …………………………………………….

    I also despise the comparisons to MJ. Anyone who thinks otherwise should refresh their memory with some old MJ clips.

  13. Alesa says:

    I just looked at the LA Times pictures. I think those made my day. I have never seen anything so funny. He is half woman half terrorist half wacko. Wow! And while I will agree that MJ had plenty of talent, I don’t know that he was without an attitude. Did you notice who put out the Mello’s fans of Utah commerial?

  14. Kyle M says:

    F, Marry, Kill:

    Lucifer
    Hitler
    Kobe

    Go!

  15. Troy says:

    Anyone thinking MJ had a much better attitude than Kobe needs to watch his acceptance speech into the HOF. He was and is a first class jerk as well.

  16. Davis says:

    Maweesa, I really feel like we should watch the Jazz/Lakers games in separate rooms. The collective hatred for Kobe that we generate together honestly worries me. I’ll tell you who the third is. If you’ll let us get rid of Lyla.

    InkMom, Norm is an equal opportunity hater. You hate Coach K? I mean, I don’t like him, but he doesn’t really get to me very much. To each his/her own.

    Nici, I like that snippet a lot. Except that it maybe doesn’t have enough vitriol in it.

    Alesa/Troy, I don’t think Nici was saying that MJ didn’t have attitude, but was rather saying MJ was way better.

    Kyle, Hitler, Lucifer, Kobe.

    Troy, I agree. MJ is obviously a terrible person. But I don’t hate him the way I do Kobe. Why? Because MJ strikes me as being a real person, not some media/agent/sneaker-created cipher. And because as far as we knew he’s never raped anyone.

  17. peter says:

    Kobe Bryant is the antithesis of being the common denominator of our hearts. Some rich Jazz fan should by some air time with that theme. I look forward to personally insulting Kobe and his minions Saturday night.

  18. InkMom says:

    Tarheel fan. Need I say more?

  19. Zack says:

    I was Kobe’s #1 fan until I saw that picture on your post. That’s the worst/ugliest/retarted determined face I have ever seen. I don’t really even like watching when the Lakers play, but when he makes that face, I totally want to turn off the TV (at my friends house because we don’t have good cable). Yeah, I think Kobe is probably the most hated person in the world that most people have never met. He deserves it. It makes me so mad that he was taken in the draft instead of giving me the chance to prove to all the doubters that I can play.

  20. I can’t believe Zack used the R word AND misspelled it. I was a Lakers fan when I was younger, since we basically lived in the OC and all. But I’ve never really liked Kobe – he was always such a ball hog. Even if I was really proud of them for threepeating. Just sayin’, those were kind of fun days – Laker car flags everywhere. I think after this last week’s games, Kobe is fresh on everybody’s hate list. Maybe you should try serving him so you will love him more…sending him a box of cookies would be nice.

  21. Davis says:

    Zack and Danica, you guys are killing me. You two need your own TV show. Why haven’t you submitted a Tiebreakers?

  22. Christian says:

    “But not before I bring you the love of the Stake Presidency”

    lol.

    Kobe is indeed one of the most hate-able people on the planet. As an aside: when I was in S. California I knew an electrician who did work on Kobe’s home. Said Kobe was really nice but his wife was a monster.

  23. Trevor says:

    I really wish I hadn’t read this to increase/re-kindle my hatred of Kobe before Saturday’s game. My head not only exploded with hate, it shook the walls. “Daddy, you’re hurting my ears” said my 4 year old daughter in response to my shrills of agony. My therapist says I should just catch occasional updates of tonights game and avoid any eye contact with Kobe’s mug, in case he is making his rehearsed face of intensity, which could have catastrophic effects.

    The entire luxury tax Laker team is so hate-able, they make the Yankees look like lovable little feel-good stories. Droopy-face Gasol and his shady trade, fan-punching Artest (Rodman wanna-be), liar Fisher, rehabbed and married to a disgusting Kardashian Odom, Sloth (Farmar) and I-look-like-I-just-smelled-a-fart Shannon Brown to go along with soul-less Kobe.

  24. Trevor says:

    And yes, I know where the hyphen is located on the keyboard.

  25. Shauna says:

    agreed. try living in LA where every person you meet is IN LOVE and OBSESSED with him. Hes disgusting and barfy and speaking of barfy, if i saw him in real life i think i would barf on him.

  26. Kiar says:

    I know I am a little late to the party, but I have to just say thank you! Thank you for sharing the hatred that I harbor for this vile repugnant worthless excuse for humanity. My Husband Laughs at me for hating him as much as I do. (He is not a fan either, but I get very heated when his ugly mug appears)
    Just the other night, there was some dumb press conference with “Him” and I thought my hubs was gonna throw something at the screen! I usually just turn green and leave the room… Ugh.
    And we live in California. But we are Sacramento Kings fans. ’nuff said.

  27. Lindsay Marek says:

    I truely believe this is the BEST piece of written word of all time! I have no problem admitting my hate, for example, I hate that Kobe even gets the hate attention! However, my celtics will make it all better by kiling the lakers tonight! Your my new best friend now.

  28. Christian says:

    How awesome was that game last night?!?!?

    Whoop, whoop!

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