Nothing in Particular

I don’t have a single thing to write about. So let’s do an experiment. I’m just going to start writing and we’ll see where this thing goes.

I’ve been staring at my computer for some time. Bored, I just checked out D3T’s (I love that nickname, btw. Sounds like we’re talking about the third Jurrassic Park movie or something.  D3T: ROAAAARRRRRRRRRR!) analytics for the first time in a while. Traffic’s up lately. That’s nice. Guess what our most popular post ever is? You guessed it:

Just The Animal Facts, Ma’am

11,700 page views. The next highest post is at 1,500. This makes me happy. I love animal facts more than almost anything else in the world. And thanks to Davis, if you google Dumb Animal Facts, our little hometown blog shows up at the top of page 2 (sometimes even at the bottom of page 1). It makes me happy that so many people are typing in that search term, deriving joy out of the thing that has brought me such joy all these years.

I feel like Brad Pitt has disappeared this last year. What’s going on with him? I realized today that he’s 46. What! I swear he was 30 a couple years ago. I wish he could stay young forever. Going to be so interesting watching him grow into an older man. I’m excited to see him as a grandfather. Whoa, that just blew my mind; as I was typing that grandfather thing I just pictured an adult Shiloh with a little boy of her own, and grandfather Brad taking him to do fun things. I think he’ll be very active even into his late 70s. Time will tell.

Reba bit my finger very hard tonight because I was trying to tickle her. Her bite broke skin. She hates, hates, hates being tickled and will do anything, literally ANYTHING to get me to stop. Hit, kick, gouge, scream. If she had a knife nearby she honestly would stab me. I’m not exaggerating. She would stab me in a heartbeat. It’s crazy. She’ll do anything to let me know she means business. But she’s laughing the whole time, so I can’t take her protests seriously.

Ok, Reba just came upstairs and apologized for biting me and breaking skin because I’ve been pouting about it. She says that it makes her feel crazy to be tickled. “Tickle torture is literally torture for me.” It really does make her crazy, and even though I know I will end up injured, I do it because I don’t believe my memory of how crazy she gets, so every few weeks I want to test it out. Same result. She really becomes insane. We need Tiebreakers.

Yesterday Reba found tubby little Amelia sitting naked and closely studying something in her hand. The object she was studying was a perfectly spherical turd she had retrieved from her self-removed diaper.  This is a girl who loves yummy chocolates and I’m sure she was a few seconds away from taking a big tasty chomp out of this chocolaty morsel she had the great fortune to find in her diaper.

I’m going to bed.

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7 Responses to Nothing in Particular

  1. Davis says:

    You know what? Maybe it tastes delicious, and we need a gutsy pioneer like Amelia to buck society and make the discovery.

  2. Troy says:

    Kook, my wife is exactly the same way. She will pinch me and punch and kick and convulse. When I say pinch, I mean she will grab whatever hunk of flesh she can and attempt to rip it off my body. I’ve never been able to exceed 2 seconds of tickling. After 2 seconds, I’m down for the count from a cheap shot, or trying to stop the bleeding from somewhere. It’s such a weird phenomenon to me. I mean, I’m ticklish like anyone else, but can hold perfectly still and have no retaliatory reflex. I keep telling her she just lacks the mind control that I do. I think that sometime I’ll tie her down (with some safe and comfortable restraints don’t freak out ladies, it’s perfectly normal) and go all Josef Mengele on her. I can’t help my curiosity and wonder what would happen if she had to endure more than the 2 seconds. Science needs to know this, right? I’ll record my observations and report back.

  3. Ryan says:

    I always told Macy I’d like her to get implants. Ticklishness implants. If the doctors could just insert a few ticklish nerves around her rib cage and neck and legs, like where normal people are ticklish. What’s wrong with wanting your wife to be a little ticklish? Great disappointment to me. Although lately she has become more ticklish. Right in time for Molly to be old enough to absolutely freak out in anguished sobs whenever she sees her mother being assaulted. By her dad. With tickles.

  4. Andrea W. says:

    I’ve got to say these kind of unflitered, stream of consciousness posts of yours are my favorites. Love your thoughts on Brad Pitt, lol. Love the Amelia story and love that Rebecca bit you. She shouldn’t have apologized though, she was totally justified – you have been warned and still insist on torturing. Kind of like us removing the no punching rule for Anna when she scared her siblings. All’s fair in and love and war.

  5. Rebecca Bell says:

    lol troy. i’d like to see your observations on that one too.

    update on amelia’s poop: she did it again. just a few hours ago. on our carpet. took her clothes off, then her diaper. she then proceeded to poop 3 logs- 1 hard and 2 soft. Oliver called to me upstairs, “Mom, there’s a log on our carpet!”

  6. Troy says:

    Yes, this is good. In fact, let’s get a scrolling tweet column that’s dedicated to poo updates. Make it happen, Kook & Reba. I especially love the description of the poo’s consistency. Absolutely necessary.

  7. Oh heck, this was funny. I wish he could stay young forever…lol. I’m laughing thinking about the tickle torture b/c it’s the same way for us. I HATE and I mean HATE being tickled. It’s really awful. Reba’s right. This reminds me of a funny tickle story: The first summer that Zack and I dated, he came over one day and somehow got to tickling me in my living room (uh huh, niiiice Zack). My dad walked in and I immediately jumped up and said really loudly, “DAD!! Zack’s TICKLING me!” Zack still sometimes brings up the fact that I totally threw him under the bus with my dad.

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