The Ghost of Christmas Awful

I’m drafting a massive brief today, so you’ll be deprived of my ramblings.  But let me briefly share with you the three worst Christmas songs ever written.

On Saturday, I got in the car two times, for two small errands.  It was Macy’s car, so I didn’t have any of my radio presets.  I figured the easy listening station’s Christmas carols couldn’t be all bad.  On BOTH drives, they played these two beauties:

Let me just say that these are not Christmas songs. These are horrible pop songs that weren’t good enough to get radio play, so their writers packed in some Christmas stuff, so that they’d become magical yuletide traditions for the entire nation. That makes these songwriters evil, because you know they did this consciously. People, you can’t take a standard, crappy song about heartbreak, add Christmas, and then say it’s a Christmas song. Horrible, horrible approach.

But then, neither of these two songs even approach the number one most awful Christmas song ever, and the number one clearest indication that people will listen to literally anything (as well as the best evidence of the hardest fall by a former artistic icon ever seen in recorded history):

Anyway, hope everyone is enjoying the season so far.

Don’t want to leave you with that note though, so please enjoy:

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19 Responses to The Ghost of Christmas Awful

  1. Eliza says:

    So funny, every time I hear songs like that I think of you. but I have to say I absolutely LOVE that 80’s last christmas song. It seriously makes me wish I had broken up with someone over christmas so I could have a reason to feel so dramatic and angsty. I never ever tire of hearing it and I always sing along every time with my eyes closed. ; ) which will make you love it even more.

    Agreed on Paul McCartney’s. Oh man and what about the kids in africa with no presents one? I know I sound heartless but wow that one is awful.

    So I do have a question for you though, I know what you mean about pop songs and putting a christmas word in and calling it good, but what does make a song a real christmas song? Obviously all the ones about the Christ child, but don’t you count “chesnuts roasting on an open fire? and dreaming of a white christmas? I mean those are really just pop songs back in the day aren’t they? Could it be that they are just old enough they feel like classics and “real christmas songs”?

  2. Macy Bell says:

    lol. Those are some great songs…good thing there are so many good Christmas songs to make up for all the horrible ones. I love when you get so riled up about stuff. It comes out the worst with music you hate….oh boy it is such a pain in your side.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    I am totally with you on these. Seriously, is there anyone anywhere who likes that Wham song? I cannot fathom why it gets so much airtime. “Wonderful Christmas Time” is just further proof that Paul McCartney is the most overrated song-writer of all time.

  4. Candice says:

    3 words “The Christmas Shoes”.

    Those pops songs are Mozart in comparison to this strange and sad country Christmas song.

  5. Tom says:

    Amen, and amen, Bell!!
    “Simply Having” is indeed, by far, the WORST Christmas song ever.

  6. Rachel says:

    Wham! I dont know whats worse, the song or the video.

  7. Christian says:

    I’m not being contrary or funny when I say this. I LOVE the Wham song and the McCartney songs. I love them. I just love them. Not cause they’re fun or nostalgic or whatever. I just like them as songs a lot. So catchy. I love them.

  8. Steph says:

    Wait…I love that Wham song.

  9. StefStar says:

    You forgot about the Christmas Shoes. Worst song–Christmas or otherwise–of all time.

  10. Amy M says:

    I know the last one is some mtab special but it seriously looked like a Republican Christmas show on like cspan or something. The dude singing ( great tenor and all) looked like Patrick Dempsey’s brother. Sorry but the mtabbers have always sorta sgueezed me out. There are just so many and they are singing so slowly. I want them to be more snappy. I bet they got a lot of play at Morning Peace.

  11. Erin says:

    So much to say about the Wham video, I don’t knwo where to start, wow! Ooh, I hate that song and it gets more air time than any other, why is that? And who makes videos for Christmas songs? It just proves your point, Ryan. Was good for a laugh, though. Thanks.

  12. Candice says:

    The added feature of “comment moderation” is causing StefStar and I to write the same thing without actually knowing it. To avoid future duplication – can you take us off the censorship list??

  13. Katie Sherman says:

    I wholeheartedly agree.

  14. Ryan says:

    Sorry about that Candice. We’ll approve you just as soon as we learn how to approve a commenter. Anyway, your joint endorsement of that song made me look it up to hear for the first time.

    Only a horribly corroded heart could dislike that poor boy and his dying mother.

  15. Kerstin says:

    I know I’m a little behind on posting but I’m playing D3T catch up. Started to play the Wham video and from across the room Charlotte said “I don’t like that singing.” I’m a proud mama.

  16. Ryan says:

    Wow- what a great response from Charlotte. Thank you for sharing that.

  17. Andrea W. says:

    I think at some point I start to not be able to tell if I really hate or really like a song. That’s sort of how I feel about the two horrible ones you posted. I totally know what Stefstar and Candice mean about Christmas Shoes, and yet still I find myself choking up. Sigh. I’m getting pretty close to refusing to listen to the radio at Christmastime. My ipod Christmas playlist is pure heaven, I’ve got it just the way I like it.

  18. Steph says:

    Last Christmas–Glee

    Ryan. I saw this the other night and thought you might enjoy the latest rendition. After all, it is kind of starring you!

    “Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it.” Classic!

  19. shannon says:

    What about the awesomest Christmas song ever- One Christmas Catalogue, or as I like to call it, One Christmas Cantaloupe. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. Pure awesomeness

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