Fruitflies and Prozac

I remember when I was 12 or so a teenaged Ryan complaining to my Dad at the dinner table that it depressed him when Dad wore only plain white under-shirts with no shirt on top of it, one of which he was wearing at the time. He added that seeing fruit flies in the house depressed him as well (BigRy, am I remembering this right?). My parents laughed at this, but I sat there on the yellow linoleum floor quietly contemplating it; pondering how seemingly random things have the power to spontaneously transport us to a bad place. You can see or smell or feel a thing that injects pure despair straight into your bone marrow.

We all have pet peeves, but I’m talking about something different. Pet peeves are things that annoy or anger you. I’m talking about things that depress you. Things that douse your spirit and make you feel like there’s something to be sad about. Often this process is subconscious. You’re not aware of what’s going on but you realize you are feeling badly and you think “Wait a minute, that’s why I feel this way; the light in here is dim” or “I’m in a run down strip mall with very ugly, cheap signage”  or  “Oh, right it’s because that woman has straight, long hair going down past her bum” Or “The women with the long hair is also wearing a fanny pack.”

Here’s an example. When I was a teenager I came upstairs and found a grown up sibling of mine—who shall remain nameless—fully sprawled out on the couch. I think he might have been sick that day. So what’s wrong with lying on the couch, Christian? We all do that, right?

Well this person was doing it in sweats and undershirt. And these weren’t Juicy Couture sweats either. These were 80’s sweats. Remember how sweat pants used to have tight elastic bands at the bottom of the legs? The thought of lying in those sweats, having them bunch up more and more with every movement you make, that alone gets me down. Nothing in this world worse than bunching. And this was on a warm day. In the middle of the afternoon. And if we haven’t lost any readers to suicide in the last two paragraphs, that’s because you haven’t heard the clincher yet. In between this person and the couch was a solid layer of…newspaper. He was reading the newspaper and the pages he wasn’t holding in his hands had wormed their way under his entire body, which he didn’t seem to mind. I hate the feel of newspaper even on my fingertips. But the thought of lounging around on it on a warm day; that dry material touching my bare feet and elbows and maybe even the part of my back skin which would be exposed through my shirt riding up from moving around on the couch. That scene depressed me and still does when I remember it.

But I know I have been, and surely still am the cause of other people’s depression. I don’t watch a whole lot of TV, and if I do it’s usually in the evening. But every once in a great while I want to watch TV or a movie in the daytime on a Saturday or some other non-work day. This is quite depressing to Reba. Or I think about how much lazing around and TV watching I did on my honeymoon and I get depressed. Back then I thought that an ideal vacation was one in which you just lay around. Not even at the pool or the beach. But just lay around and read and sleep and watch TV inside. Even on the bed. It didn’t help that the place we were staying at had a cable channel that showed Magnum P.I. and Rockford Files almost all day long. We were in beautiful Florida and I spent most my time watching TV in bed. Yuck.

You know what else depresses me? Goths. What’s going on there? That sounds like a Jay Leno Joke and also makes me sound like I’m 90, but I mean it. What the freak is really going on there?

Also people yelling at their kids in public places.

And most of Wyoming.

Seeing a bunch of cars in a strip club parking lot in the late morning/early afternoon. Or even better on Christmas or some other holiday.

And split level homes.

People spending a lot of time in casinos.

And the way old people’s homes look on the inside.

And most Russian people.

And the drive from Salt Lake to Reno.

The thought of sorting through coupons, then shopping with them (which Reba does sometimes).

And pet hair on people’s furniture.

Seeing a family out to dinner where all the kids are on their own gaming system/movie player. Saw it the other night. Even the 4 year old was hooked up to on his own little machine the entire dinner. Slit my wrist.

Over-31 Mormon single adult wards.

What depresses you?

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28 Responses to Fruitflies and Prozac

  1. Braden says:

    Fantastic post, Kook. I am pretty sure this sibling was not me because I never wore sweats until college and I hate the newspaper being under me.

    All of your things were spot on–true and funny. Wyoming is totally depressing to me.

    But, I’m not going to list what depresses me because every time I do, they happen. When I was young and engaged and the world was just beginning, I saw a married guy driving a really old, rusted, beat up car. I thought, “I couldn’t handle that. It would be depressing.” Guess what I was driving a few years later?

    On my mission, I went to eat at a home where the mom was quite ill with a serious disease. She woke up at about 5:30 in the afternoon from her nap. I thought how sad that was–she’d eat, be up for a bit and then go back to bed. That was her life. Guess what happened to me a few years after that? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

    So, I will not publicly disclose that getting large bonuses at work, having cash show up on my doorstep and getting a new car depress the heck out of me. If I say them out loud, they might come true.

  2. Davis says:

    I can go on and on and on. In fact, I’m almost positive the negative adjective I use the most is “depressing.”

    I have a distinct memory of driving to or from Ryan’s one early Christmas morning and seeing a few stray cars in the parking lot at Southern Exposure. And then I drove headlong into an oncoming semi.

    More depressing to me than the family at dinner all on different devices is the 40/50-something couple at dinner who have nothing to say. The silences is punctured every few minutes by a muttered question about how the soup tastes, or a complaint about the waiter. I can barely leave these restaraunts on my own power, so filled am I with dread and depression.

  3. Norm says:

    So good, Christian.

    Watching baseball on tv when it isn’t October.

    Seeing a movie star who has done some work on their face.

    Dirty cars. Dirty houses.

    Underwear with holes in it.

    Any public service line.

    Long toe tails.

    A ball or toy or anything just sitting in the front yard.

    Mormon girls who wear leggings and layered shirts

  4. Davis says:

    Oh, and Melissa feels the same way about watching movies on TV. As far as I can tell, because you didn’t intend to watch it, but just happened on it, and you have nothing better to do?

  5. Candice says:

    Old, Sick people
    Real Housewives — pick any city
    and I second Wyoming.

  6. The smell of old people’s houses. Why is it when a person turns 70 their house starts smelling weird? Also the fact that my grandparents and parents expect us to come visit them with 4 kids in tow. Why can’t it just be a rule that parents and grandparents are required to come visit you while you have kids under 10.? I mean, it’s a great opportunity to get out that smelly house, right?

  7. Andrea W. says:

    Love this post. I died laughing on your line about goths. And, I’m so glad you and Rebecca got to get away on a nice trip, because your honeymoon does sound really depressing.

    My depression triggers are: seeing young kids being dragged around Target or a grocery store late at night when they should be warm and cozy in bed, and you don’t get the impression that that’s a fluke.

    Older people and really young kids decked out in super trendy clothes.

    Lifetime original movies.

    People who talk to each other and yet don’t communicate anything.

  8. Mike says:

    A depressing though triggered by the comment about kids being dragged around Target late at night is the 80-year old lady Wal-Mart greeter working the graveyard shift. Nothing sadder.

  9. Rachel says:

    Gas station bathrooms and fast food restaurants….on indian reservations

    Indian reservations in general.

  10. megan says:

    ditto everything. Especially fruit flies, old people that are alone, split level homes, watching tv/movies. ugh. I feel yucky now.

  11. Macy Bell says:

    when I see little children late at night, or any other time for that matter at movies like the Dark Knight. So sad, and so depressing.

    fake flowers at weddings, oh wow! I haven’t seen it often, but definitely have before. so sad.

  12. Troy says:

    Kook this one got me laughing way hard. Nice one.

    For me:

    Morbidly obese people eating junk food depresses the heck out of me. I have literally walked out of Cold Stone more than once without a purchase after realizing I was surrounded by morbid obesity.

    Grown men who wear white socks to church.

    Houses with tons of pets.

    Yard art.

    Kids standing out in the cold at the school bus stop (makes me think of that old seminary film “Cipher in the Snow”).

    Young children with extreme hair, like mullets or mohawks or rat-tails.

    Hoarders.

    Broken or old rusty kids bikes. Especially if they’re strewn around a yard with grass overgrowing them.

    Smith & Edwards store in North Ogden, UT

    Small towns. There’s a fine line, here. Either charmingly quaint, or suicidally depressing. Heber, Oakley, Eden: Quaint. Roosevelt, Nephi, Magna, Price: Depressing.

  13. Ryan says:

    Troy, your hero Ute linebacker that had a breakout year this year? I knew him when he was four. And let’s just say his hairstyle at that age would have depressed the crap out of you.

  14. Troy says:

    Run down child day care centers with rusty playground equipment and a fading mural on a brick wall.

  15. Macy Bell says:

    Troy, I am with you on small towns. I don’t know what it is , but nothing hits me harder than driving through middle america, through some small town.

  16. Troy says:

    Ryan, if you’re talking about Chaz, his hairstyle now depresses me.

  17. Amy M says:

    Detroit
    old people eating alone
    a pre teen dressed like a cocktail waitress
    kids allowed to wear cartoon characters on their clothes. Fake tans especially on the backs of hands.
    Kids flying alone on an airplane to go see their Dad for the summer or worse, kids sobbing at the gate holding onto Dad because his parental custody time is up and they have to fly back home.

  18. lezlee says:

    Ditto on the split level houses – makes we want to eat drano when I see them being featured as an option on HGTV’s house hunters. Last night the couple was trying to decide between 3 split levels in some horrible suburb of Rhode Island.

    There are portions of Rose Park, Utah that make me sad just thinking about all the split levels and unmowed slightly yellowing grass with a banana seat bike laying in the yard and for some reason I think all their houses will smell like cats and vinegar.

    Walmarts in small towns are something I always avoid. I can feel a crushing sense of despair the moment I step foot in one. ( I also avoid them in large urban areas, but at least there people seem to know that it totally sucks that they have to shop there)

    People eating in restaurants in a KMART. Yikes.

    This is more sad than depressing – but seeing an old man alone shopping at a grocery store kills me.

    Fake roses in the 7-11.

    Country music.

  19. Angie says:

    Blind people living in New York.

    E.T.

    Day care centers

    Matt Saracen’s grandma

  20. annie says:

    pillows without pillowcases

  21. LOVED this post. Oh man, totally with you on the split level homes. Why are they so bad? They just are.

    Hmmm…

    -Old people that work as baggers at grocery stores…especially late at night. So depressing to me.
    -Actually, just any old person walking around with apparent difficulty…I don’t ever want to get so old that I can’t lift my crooked neck to see in front of me and barely shuffle everywhere
    -Definitely kids out really late at night…especially taking the bus
    -Ditto on the daycare centers…especially the “Past Your Bedtime Daycare” that was near our house in Philly
    -Zack watching sports on Sunday…don’t know why, but seriously depresses me

  22. One more…quickest way to get me depressed: when my house is messy, with crap all over the kitchen table, or dishes in the sink. DEPRESSED.

  23. Layne says:

    As someone who is part Russian, lives in a split-level house and wears white socks to church, this post hurts my feelings.

    The thing that depresses me is having to work on a powder day and working on any day when the high temperature is in the 70s. And Maybe Helper, UT.

  24. jon says:

    Living in Bangkok, nothing quite sucks the soul out of one’s body like spotting the obese 75 year old “tourist,” wearing aqua socks, fanny pack, and a wife beater, prowling the streets for love.

    More depressing, spotting his wedding ring as he holds hands with his 14 year old Thai gf.

    Even more depressing, realizing he is your former scout master.
    Ok, maybe that never happened. But I wouldn’t put it past mine.

    Also, Helper, UT.

  25. Wade says:

    basement ceilings that are too low

    local news

    bizarre diseases and conditions only found in 3rd world countries

    old neighborhoods that don’t have sidewalks

    Saturday late afternoons after a busy stressful morning

  26. Davis says:

    When people don’t post on DDDT on their appointed day and don’t even post anything saying they’re not going to post.

  27. Christian says:

    So freaking funny. You guys killed me on these comments. You guys really “nailed it”, as I like to say.

    Fat old American pervs in Thailand, kids in bad movies out late, young kids with extreme hair cuts, old movie stars with face plastic surgery, old people living alone in weird smelling houses, Detroit, people eating in Kmart restaurants, Matt Saracen’s grandma (lolol. Seriously the most depressing thing ever. Poor Matt.), Walmart in small towns, old people being baggers at grocery stores late at night, local news (truly one of the few things that can get me feeling down about life in 1 second), Indian Reservations (rachel, your twin actually told me to put that exact thing on my list when I was writing this post and I agreed with the idea, but decided not to put it on since I was already smearing an entire group of people–russians–I thought I would call it a day), and Helper, Ut.

    95% of what you listed have always been on my list, but then there were a few that I’d never ever thought about or noticed that made me laugh. LIke:

    Fake flowers at weddings.

    Kids allowed to wear cartoon characters on their clothes. Fake tans especially on the backs of hands. lolol. Wha?

    Long toe nails.

    Fake roses in 7-11

    Blind people living in NY city.

    lol

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