Nailed It

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When it comes to the proper role of a spouse in praising his or her partner for things that he or she does well, my wife and I come from two very different schools of thought.  Melissa subscribes to the “I’m Here To Keep My Spouse From Getting a Big Head School.”  The motto of this school is:  “He’s already prone to arrogance and pomposity, why would I add fuel to the fire?”  I’m a devotee of the “Spouses Should Be Loving and Supportive School,” but that’s just my personal and probably crazy take on things.This dynamic has created a situation where I point out to Melissa pretty much every single tiny thing I do well throughout the day.  Whether it’s weaving like a gazelle through traffic on my Vespa or singing amazing high harmony to “Winds of Change” by Scorpions, I’m prone to turn to Melissa immediately afterward, widen my eyes while nodding slowly, and say, “Nailed it.”  In those instances where I’ve nailed something beyond my ability to comprehend, I’ll accompany my verbal “Nailed it” with a hand gesture mimicing the action of hammering a nail in slow motion, just to drive my point home.

This is the face my “Nailed It” word/action combo typically elicits:

melissa reaction

An example:  Since Melissa and I moved into our first place a few months ago we’ve made a real effort to decorate it and make it feel like a home.  This has entailed doing things that I’m not naturally good at and don’t have much experience doing.  Like using tools.

I was once able to stomach half an episode of “Extreme Home Makeover” before the combination of Ty Pennington’s face, voice, and puka shell necklace gave me a case of the heroin junkie trembles.  The large and elaborate homes on this show are built from scratch in a week, largely by volunteers.  I am sure that among the large group of volunteers every week there are a few guys like me, which is why I’m also sure that in a year or so we’re going to be seeing news reports about Extreme Home Makeover homes collapsing because the chimney was duct-taped on or because someone tried to caulk a tub with a hot glue gun.

Back to our apartment:  We don’t have a lot of counter space, so I thought it might make sense to mount a paper towel roll dispenser onto the cabinet rather than have it take up space on the counter.  I went out and bought a dispenser and installed it, and the whole thing went off without a hitch.  Here’s a photo of my handiwork:

IMG_2898

As you can clearly see, this was a great success.  Having ably conquered a task I found intimidating, I turned to my wife and gave her a solid, grave “Nailed it,” complete with the accompanying hand gesture.

After gazing at my triumph for a minute or two, I opened up the cupboard to which the dispenser is attached to retrieve a glass (for some richly deserved root beer).  Here’s what I saw:

IMG_2901

Turns out I didn’t “nail it.”  I actually screwed up.  Hey-ooooooooo!  Just nailed that.

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This entry was posted in High Harmony, Melissa, Nailed It, Ty Pennington, Vespa. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Nailed It

  1. maweesa says:

    How can i subscribe to “I’m Here To Keep My Spouse From Getting a Big Head School” when he already has a big head?? Instead of just giving him a dirty look, I’ve realized these matters require a more active approach. I now yell, “STOP IT!” and grab his hands to stop the nailing motion.

  2. Andrea W. says:

    Melissa, our best to you. We are finding that hiring people for even the smallest of jobs is well worth it for us. I discovered this when my husband almost electrocuted himself twice because after the first time he thought to himself, “hmmm, I guess there was still some electricity in the line.”

  3. maeve says:

    chris just sent me this via gchat accompanied by a “classic. remind you of anyone”. glad to know im not the only wife that isnt charmed by the over used one liners and the ensuing “arent i hilarious smile”. im also happy to know that chris isnt the only guy who cant quite manage to get the mr. fix it thing right. though, he is good for fetching things.

  4. Eliza says:

    so funny. I am so glad I am not a man and therefore not expected to do things like that, I’ve done a lot of dumb things in my time but luckily my husband has common sense and can bail us out. Good luck to you and Melissa in ventures like putting sprinklers in, installing shelves, and every other homeowner joy. ; )

  5. Christian says:

    Sometimes I’ll be in a group of people and witness a wife laugh at her husband’s humor and I’m kind of taken back and think “Wow, that’s really nice of her to laugh if he says something that she thinks is really funny instead of using every muscle in her body to suppress the laughter, lest he gets the big-headed idea that she actually likes him.”

  6. Macy says:

    We definitely suffer from this syndrome in our marriage too. But if I was getting the hammer motion more than twice a day I would definitely give some dirty looks too. It is our job to keep you guys in check.

  7. Ryan says:

    You know the best part about that photo? That the screws aren’t even lined up. I think you sell that as a pre-installed glass organizer. It looks sort of Ikea-ish.

  8. maweesa says:

    BTW, Kook, I do laugh when he’s funny…. It’s just not as often as he thinks I should….

  9. Rachel says:

    Don’t do dumb things?

  10. Davis says:

    Melissa, you can try to stop the nailing motion, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve just NAILED IT.

    Ang, I won’t go near anything that’s electric.

    Eliza, we’ll either never own a home, or budget an extra $100K for a live-in handyman for the first year.

    Maeve, those one-liners are like fine wine; they only get better with age, and everyone knows that.

    Kook, Melissa tries really hard, but most of the time she can’t keep it in. So either I’m funnier than you are or Rebecca is stronger than Melissa. First case seems much more likely.

    Macy, the “Nailed It” motion is actually much more charming and awesome than it sounds. I think you’d really like it.

    Ryan, I actually use those to put my wedding ring on when I wash the dishes. Pretty much had that purpose in mind when I put them in.

    Rachel, I try, but it’s a work in progress.

  11. Ali says:

    thats too bad davis. i can hear “nailed it” all high pitched and arrogant. but i will give you a little credit, you did some ikea stuff for me.

  12. Rebecca says:

    wow. dddt case in point. we definitely deal with this in our marriage- i have to bring christian down a notch or two every once in a while. i call it the cure for the “greg bell syndrome.”

  13. Dallin says:

    I’m trying to think of something really articulate and intelligent to say. But quite often in these moments of uncontrollable laughter, it’s near impossible to write something.

  14. Christian says:

    Let me clear up that by the “Greg Bell syndrome” she means that he complimented us all a lot growing up, not that he needs to be brought down a notch or two.

    I’ve revoked Reba’s commenting privileges to avoid these close calls in the future

  15. Braden says:

    Hilarious, Dave. You are the funniest writer there is in the world ever.

  16. Paint Bull says:

    I’ve been looking for this precise information on this topic for a while.

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